Book EndsReema Sukumaran
I used to write of the boys antics when they were younger. I love reading the posts as they sometimes pop up on my facebook memory and miss that time in life. They were so hilarious! They were so busy! They were so cute! They loved their mom so much! I would always hear, “Oh! You have your hands full!” (Funny but I see parents with 2 kids seem to hear the same thing)! I loved having my hands full. lol. I had people tell me to enjoy this age with an ominous warning of the future. I had others tell me that as they grow, they are needer just in a different way.
I feel like I am in the middle of a pair of book ends, a mismatched pair . On one side, I still have teenagers, almost 14 years old in 27 days (that’s the baby, though I am not sure how that happened) a 17 year old and a 19 year old. They are in territory that is familiar and while every one of my teens has been and continues to be different, there is comfort in that I have passed those years 4 times without too much drama or trauma.
Then on the other side of me is the book end that has me swimming in a swamp that is full of things I have never encountered and find myself lost, sometimes gasping for air, other times wishing I had a guide. The 20 somethings are definitely something I was not prepared for. My 20s were pretty boring and I was the good girl that did what was expected of me as I never wanted to disappoint my parents or those that loved me. I was probably boring by most others defintion.
My 20 somethings are different. Of course, their world is different. As I watch them live in this day and age, I find myself holding my breath. I find myself wanting to put these 20 somethings of mine in a time capsule and go back to a time when I could kiss their booboos. I want to take them back to where I could protect them from the big bad monsters that can hurt them. I want to give them an armour of protection that when they are out there, they are safe. Sadly this isn’t a possibility. I have found myself praying for Jesus to come so that they will be saved from the pain and disappointment of adulthood.
The reality is that when I was 20 something I was not at home. Going away to university was really the beginning of leaving home. I was out there making life changing decisions and often they were made with not too much guidance. Phone calls were charged by the minute and long distance was costly. We did not have Skype or FaceTime where parents were still “right there.” My parents, most of our parents of this generation were in the dark of their 20 somethings world. I think this was a blessing of sorts.
My 20 somethings have stayed home to go to university or live close to home. My one 20 something that is away has a little freedom but we still are in the know more than not.
I am blessed to have a counsellor who helps me deal with the pains of yesteryear and in turn often how that flows into today. I was talking about the woes of my kids and how hard it is to watch as they take the steps into adulthood. I was complaining and sharing my frustration of how I didn’t know how to help them.
She paused and then said, “Are you able to let go of control?”
HUH? I am not controlling!
I am just trying to keep my babies from… I mean I just want to protect them… I mean… OYE!
Is that controlling?
Recently one of my 20 somethings told me to stop being controlling. He told me that he was not 10 years anymore.
(I will be honest… I wanted to retort back so badly…. well, if you are at this place, I know you are able to complete my thoughts).
But I didn’t. I was hurt. I was beyond hurt. I became silent. (Yes, that can happen)!
As I pondered my counsellor’s question, I found myself arguing that I was not controlling… and yet had to realize that there were various definitions of control. And right now, my 20 something saw my actions that I thought was simply love, as control.
Again, being away from home allowed me, even forced me to grow up without knowing my parents were watching or at least aware of choices.
Then my counsellor reminded me of the butterfly and the chicken. Without the struggle of the caterpillar or the chick out of the egg, they would not find the strength to become the beautiful butterfly or chicken. It is the struggle that allows them to become the beautiful creature they were meant to be.
So I found myself praying that God help me release these beings of mine, totally into His care. (I probably needed to do that along time ago). I am at the place of looking for that zipper that is somewhere on my lips and zipping it. I must take comfort that these 20 somethings were raised with all the love and guidance we had. And now… as much as I hate it, I need to sit back and let them do the work. I need to release them to experience all those things that hurt to watch, pain, disappointment, heartbreak. I will be cheering from the sidelines as victory, joy and love come their way too! I need to remember all that work will eventually lead them to becoming that man they were meant to be.
AND… my dear counsellor reminded me, when they mess up and make mistakes, as we all do, they will have to own those to. That too, comes with this freedom, the release of spreading their wings.
The 20 somethings… I can do it! I am not controlling. I CAN do it! I am NOT controlling.
With God, all things are possibly!
#ilovemyboys #eventhe20somethings #iamnotcontrolling