A Paid BestieReema Sukumaran
Do you have a best friend? I have a few very close girlfriends and I hesitate to call one a best friend because I am lucky to have a few of them. Sanj is my “bestest” friend. He is the one whom I share so much with.
This post is about is having someone in your life that you can share everything with and know you’re safe. It is very freeing to have that kind of person in ones life. It helps me talk things through. Sometimes they just listen. Period. And then other times they may have insight but again, it is for me to accept or reject. How in the world do I have such a person in my life? It’s easy! They are paid!
I am talking about a counselor or therapist. Is there a difference? Web MD says, ” Counseling is also usually more short-term than therapy. Psychotherapy is more long-term than counseling and focuses on a broader range of issues. The underlying principle is that a person’s patterns of thinking and behavior affect the way that person interacts with the world.”
In this time of craziness, I am so grateful to have a paid bestie that I can share anything with. I mean anything! I have been in therapy for a little over three years. If you follow my blog, you know that I have been on an intense journey of healing a brokenness in me, redefining myself and the life I want. And God has been and continues to be faithful. He wants all that for me too!
I feel like I am doing an infomercial. I wish I was getting paid! lol This is actually just me sharing and if there is something that you can benefit from I’m grateful. I have felt compelled to write this post, which may mean God’s nudging.
When I started therapy, I knew I needed it. I have had therapy over the last 20 years a few times. But after marriage, I just could not find my paid bestie. As with any relationship, it must be the right fit.
Three plus years ago I started therapy and it took some a time for me to get into it. It was like I had been emotionally constipated for years. I didn’t feel like I was so plugged up, until I did. Then the laxative (trust) began to develop and then it was emotional diarrhea as I realized that we were a match, my paid bestie and I.
There is some thing real about tackling pain of yesteryear. I call it the Ostrich Dance. So many things of the past… the long time ago pain that has never been addressed and it seems safer to bury ones head in the sand. I researched the ostrich as learned that this is a myth about ostriches and yet I am using it as it fits my post. Burying ones head in the sand is so easy because tackling a wound is often times frightening. Vulnerability is frighting.
Therapy is like my crazy pill. It was trial and error with my physician to find the right cocktail of meds to help me function in a healthy manner in my life. I have written many a time about my crazy pill(s). It is part of my daily life for me to be a “normal” human being. It stinks but I have learned to be grateful for modern medicine. Yet as it took a while to find the right balance, so does it take time (sometimes) to find the right “paid bestie.” If you are seeking a therapist/counselor do not be discouraged if you need to break up a few times. The right fit is so important!
Self–care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it’s a simple concept in theory, it’s something we very often overlook. Good self–care is key to improved mood and reduced anxiety. (psychcentral.com )
I love a great massage. There is something about laying still and having someone massage those aches and pains away. There is something so relaxing about this. It’s about self-care. This is something I learned. I am a care taker. It’s a role I was given with no choice as early as 3-4 years old. I have learned to do so even at the expense of my own health. So over the last 3 years my therapist will often end by asking me what I would like to have as homework and often it is to find ways of self-care. It is one of the hardest things. Yet it was really learning to give myself permission to take care of myself. As I began to heal, I learned to listen to my body. Sometimes it was a nap. I had to give myself permission to simply STOP. No one suffered from my time out for a hour. Sometimes it is getting my nails done. Or something as simple as not making supper and ordering pizza or everyone fending for themselves. (Mind you, obviously my babies can do so now but when they were little, pizza was often my way out). One of the biggest blessings was a lady that offered to bring my boys home from school once a week. Josh was little and it was such a beautiful thing to not pack him up mid afternoon and pick up the boys. I have never forgotten that act of kindness! I challenge you to find ways of self care.
I have learned that my seizure was likely my body rebelling against all that angst and stress I had not been able to deal with. I only knew to push it to the back of my mind, as far away as possible. Being raped, dealing with being physically and mentally abused was a hard hand to cope. I did not have tools to release myself from those horrible shackles. Once I began to share my story of rape with the support of so many, I found myself needing to purge emotionally. My paid bestie was the key to walking me through this journey. God was walking along side me. He gave strength and courage.
Tools! I have learned tools to help me through the rough patches. Years of being passive or being scared to say “no” because of fear are in the past. People that need for me to say a gentle no, appreciate it! And if they don’t, guess what, too bad.
There is so much I can write about having a paid bestie but as I started this post I didn’t realize I have so much I can share! So there may be a part 2! Paid besties cost $$ but many have insurance. There are resources out there and sometimes it just takes a bit of time to seek it out.
Don’t be an ostrich! Take that leap of faith! God wants us to live the best life we can! Ask Him to help you. He will!